Stimulus Deal Reached, Americans to Get $1,200 in Free Money!

Originally published at: Stimulus Deal Reached, Americans to Get $1,200 in Free Money!! |

Great news everyone! We are all going to get $1,200 in free money from the United States government!!!!!

Did you hear what I just said??? FREE FUCKING MONEY!!!!

You may have lost your job and can’t pay rent as a result of this hoax coronavirus hysteria but at least you are going to get FREE FUCKING MONEY!!!!


As Congress pushes through a $2 trillion stimulus bill, some Americans can expect checks from the government to help them cope with the economic devastation stemming from the coronavirus crisis.

Those payments are expected to be $1,200 for individuals, or $2,400 for those who are married and file income taxes jointly. It also includes $500 per child.

But you have to meet certain qualifications in order to be eligible for the money, based on your adjusted gross income in your 2018 tax returns. If you earn more than $75,000 as an individual, $112,500 as the head of household or $150,000 if you are married and filing jointly, the amount of those checks starts to get reduced.

You also must have a valid Social Security number in order to receive the funds.

Alright, so not everybody is going to get the $1,200 in free money but at least a good amount of us will!

What are you planning on spending your $1,200 in free money on?

I plan on spending my $1,200 in free money on whores! Lots of whores!

You heard me right. I’m going to spend it on some young fertile whores. Preferably whores from Eastern Europe who are between the ages of 18 and 21.

And if you don’t like that, you can just fuck the hell off. This is America and I can spend my $1,200 in free money on whatever I want!

Just be sure to spend your $1,200 as fast as you can! The Federal Reserve is printing so much money so fast, that your $1,200 in free money may only buy a McDonald’s Happy Meal in the next two months!

So spend your $1,200 in free money right away!

A big thank you to Mr. Donald Trump the President of America for giving us this free money!!!!!



People who file no tax returns will not be eligible for the free cash. Those working off the books will not get a dime.

I don’t get why they want to limit this. Just because you make over $75K doesn’t mean you couldn’t use the money. Are they assuming all jobs that pay this much are still there and secure? They aren’t!

Sounds to me like some diversity hire came up with this plan.

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Throwing the serfs 1200 rapidly depreciating jewbux in Hush Money while Trump promises he will shovel Trillions more to the kikes on Wall St “if necessary”.

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I’m going to hire the Oompa Loompas to take the garbage down to the street!