INDIANA JOE AND THE WALMART OF DOOM
THE FACE OF BATTLE
Helen of Troy, the face that launched a thousand ships was a mere biological woman, what we today call a ‘front hole’. Still the Greeks fought over her. Transsexual Frederica was a sort of modern Helen of Troy, though of higher victim status. Trapped in the ladies room by Nazis, it was almost out of anti-psychotic meds! Outside the ladies room, modern day Greeks and Trojans fought over Freddie. Freddie took a chance and cracked open the door to see what was going on…
Indiana Joe was by far the slower combatant, but he surprised Counselor Loren Goldblatt of the Jewish Transgender League when he got off first with a 1, 2 combo. Upstairs, hard to the chin, and downstairs to the body. Joe’s meat hook bear-fist bounced off the trannies washboard abs.
“The bear awakes.” Mocked Goldblatt. “I’ve been hit harder by a girl!” It tossed its synthetic blond hair over its shoulder defiantly.
Joe’s men, storm troopers from the Traditional Crusaders cheered, as the Trannies jeered and hissed. Joe and Goldblatt circled each other with locked eyes. Joe wore all black while Counselor Loren had a yellow sweater and a green tartan skirt, Loren went commando. They were in a circle made of half Crusaders, half crazed Tranny rioters. The two leaders were performing the timeless ritual of one-on-one combat.
“Oh Yeah?” Countered Joe menacingly as he dived for the takedown. He grabbed one of Goldbaltt’s massive hairy legs, but the muscled Jew yanked free, and Joe crashed into the dairy. Now it was Goldblatt’s turn, and as Joe lifted himself from the spilled milk, the mad tranny delivered a combination of its own.
‘Poof!’ Hard to Joe’s wobbly midsection. ‘Poof! Poof!’ The trannies fists sunk deep into Joe’s hibernation bear fat layer. Joe moaned with pain.
Counselor Loren scored a brutal takedown, having got the double. The vertebrae in Joe’s neck crunched as he hit the concrete floor. Quickly Goldblatt went from half-guard to side control. It started to ground and pound, but Joe slid out sideways, and got behind the tranny, going for the choke.
The crusaders cheered; Indiana Joe had the best chokehold in Middle America! Counselor Loren managed to stand back up with the massive black clad fascist on its back. It spun round and round, and somehow suddenly, it had Joe in its huge arms, high above its head!
Joe flew thru the air and crashed into a display of all-in-one printers. He stood up and dusted himself off. Now Joe was really mad! Fast as a Grizzly, Joe ran at the perverted Jewish activist. They each grabbed the other and spun around.
“I’ll give you some diversity!”
Joe again went for the high-crotch single leg takedown. This time he scored! Driving hard, Goldblatts head crashed into the egg refrigerator. Its blond hooker wig dripped with yolk. As Loren freed itself from Joe’s bear grip, and hopped over, Joe though he saw something.
Again they were on the ground, somehow the transsexual Jew had gotten the top position. Again it hopped over to side mount. Joe saw something!
“C’mon Joe, C’mon Boss!” The crusaders cheered!
“Kill the Cys! Kill the Cys! Cut his balls off! Chop his dick!”
The wicked assembly of human transsexual scum chanted. Their depraved eyes bulging, foaming at the mouth, they clutched purses and baseball bats, and got ready for round two.
The one-on-one continued. Attempted arm bars and knee-bars, leg locks, they did north-south, full nelson, half-nelson and reverse cow-girl. Joe was trying for the bottom choke, when Greenblatt hoped over, his tartan wide, and Joe saw for sure this time!
Counselor Loren Greenblatt of the Jewish Transgender League had a full hairy package! As the dirty Jew reversed top position it came within 1mm (0.03937007874 Inches) of Joe’s nose! Joe shot to his feet as if he saw Jesus.
Loren Greenblatt was a dude!
Joe looked around for a weapon of distance; a broomstick, a tree saw, something he could fight the tranny with, without touching him!
Joe’s adjutant Lump called out “Boss, the FBI are coming! We gotta’ run!”
The trans army devolved into the screaming psycho faeries they were, they dropped their weapons and skedaddled in all directions. Joe surveyed the emptying battle scene.
“Back to the trailer park men!”
The crusaders ran through the in-store Starbucks, quickly filed thru the bowels of Walmart and exited the secret back door. Joe piled into the bed of a waiting pickup truck. The new plan was to beat it back to the trailer park and hide out in plain sight for when the FBI came looking.
Back inside, Counselor Loren Greenblatt of the Jewish Transgender League wiped the egg off his face and knocked on the ladies room door.
‘knock, knock, knock.’
“Freddie? Youwho? Are you in there Freddie? It’s me, Counselor Loren Greenblatt of the Jewish Transgender League. Get off the toilet and come to the door!”
A mouse-like voice came from the ladies room. “Is it safe? Are the Nazis gone?”
“Yes, I beat them off!”
The door flew open, and Frederica, nasty yellow wig and sweater, and worse for wear, ran into the arms of Loren Goldblatt.
“I’ve been hiding from Nazis, I’m afraid my hygiene has suffered.” The beefy he/she admitted.
“Well, it doesn’t matter now. C’mon, let’s go.”
Loren headed towards the back of the store and motioned for Freddie to come along.
“Shouldn’t we be going to the front of the store?” Freddie pulled on its mini-skirt, making itself presentable.
“No silly, the FBI are out front.” Replied Loren with a warm smile. They went thru an unmarked door into the bowels of the store.
“I don’t like it back here Counselor Goldblatt.”
“Here, hold my hand.” Counselor Loren gave Freddie a reassuring but stern look. He practically pulled Freddie up the catwalk staircase. They climbed to the very top, where indoor pigeons nested. Frederica tried to pull its hand free from Goldblatts powerful grip.
“I wanna’ go back.”
“Anderson Pooper’s on the roof, he wants to interview you for CNN.”
“I love Anderson! Why didn’t you say so?”
Freddie stopped resisting. They stepped outside, onto the roof of Walmart, it was a cloudy day. Freddie looked around, but saw no TV crew.
“Over this way.” Counselor Goldblatt indicated a structure by the edge of the roof, overlooking the back lot. Goldblatt gave Freddie a look that indicated his patience was running out. They walked over to the structure by the edge.
Freddie was again hesitating.
“Counselor Goldblatt, you know, I don’t really like Anderson Pooper, I’d rather be interview by Don Lemon. Can we go back now?”
They stopped walking. Counselor Goldblatt stared hard into Freddie’s eyes; his motherly warmth replaced by an icy cold.
“So, you don’t like Anderson Pooper now?” Goldberg was now walking into Freddie, who was moving backward towards the roof edge without realizing.
“After all I’ve done for you! And you don’t want to make a little sacrifice!” Goldblatt seemed to grow taller, Freddie was going into panic mode now.
“I saved you from Nazis! I gave you my phone number!” Loren’s eyes burned with a demonic fire. “You think you can come to town, cut your dick off and get a seat at the table!?! You pathetic old tranny faggot!
Down below in the parking lot, the pickup truck carrying Joe was racing from Walmart back to the adjacent trailer park and Crusader HQ. One of Joe’s men saw them on the roof. He pointed up.
“Hey boss, isn’t that Counselor Goldblatt with Freddie?”
Joe looked up from the bed of the moving truck and saw the two of them by the roofs edge. ‘What are they doing?’ Thought Joe.
Counselor Goldblatt hoisted Frederica high above his head was his massive arms. Poor Freddie screamed helplessly. Goldblatt saw Joe down below. He glared at the facist leader with twisted tranny hatred. Joe glared back.
With a sinister cackle, Goldblatt launched Frederica airborne with such force that it looked like Freddie might land in the truck bed with Joe and company.
A yellow flying blur, then thud, a growing pool of blood; Frederica had met its tragic end.
Joe’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. Just then sirens were everywhere! Instantly, the escape truck was hemmed in by law enforcement. Joe looked around, out jumped Sheriff Beegsley, there was deputy Dogbone, and some little FBI bitch. At a distance of ten feet, she put a bullhorn to her lips and blurted…
“FBI! You are surrounded! Do not attempt to move!”
To be continued…