INDIANA JOE AND THE WALMART OF DOOM
“Listen up guys! It’s time to shut this party down!” FBI Special agent Catlady’s shrill voice shot up involuntarily. She addressed her contingent of all democrat federal agents, and the local cops, including Sheriff Beegsley. They were drinking Dunken Donuts, since the Walmart with its in-store Starbucks was for the moment still occupied by Indiana Joe and his Traditional Crusaders political party.
“Nazism cuts to the heart of what’s wrong with Trump and the whole USSA!”
The wimpy FBI agents and their weak kneed DOJ buddies were transfixed by agent Catladies mediocre speech. Sheriff Beegsley wondered if they were putting microchips in these Feds brains.
“Right now, inside this store, history is being made! Trans rights activists, with the assistance of the Jewish Transgender league are fighting for our rights as Americans. We have to honor them. Their fight is our own.” Catlady attempted a smile.
“Yeah!” The multicultural, multi-sexual federal agents made a low-T cheer, (as J. Edgar Hoover rolled in his grave).
INSIDE THE WALMART
Under the firm command of career professional activist, Counselor Loren Greenblatt of the Jewish Transgender League, the nasty tranny horde advanced towards the ladies room where the Nazis had Frederica trapped.
“Leave the babies alone girls!” Greenblatt reprimanded a couple of trans-person-warriors as they attempted to pull a screaming child from a shopping cart.
“After we rescue Freddie, you’ll have money to buy all the babies you want!”
“Alright, you’re no fun!” They said, sending the child’s mommy airborne into a clothing rack, before rejoining the invading body.
“This way ladies! Frederica is up ahead. Get ready to fight some Nazis!”
Counselor Goldblatt’s eyes blazed with feverish excitement. Its muscles bulged under its tight yellow sweater. The trannies made a hideous, post-apocalyptic spectacle, most were fresh from jail, but that didn’t really effect their appearance. They were an ugly rainbow of synthetic hooker wigs and charity mini skirts. Since passing the makeup counter, they were freshly painted.
As they advanced towards the Home/Office department, the cackling pervert horde was stopped and overcome by the odor of Old Spice cologne; otherwise known as tranny Kryptonite. A few fags were felled by the uber-masculine scent, the rest moved left when they caught whiff of ripe seafood coming from the faulty fish freezer. They picked up speed.
Back at his command post at the Service Counter, in the front of the store, Indiana Joe watched on security monitors as the trannies veered off course, and bypassed his main blocking force. This threw a wrench into Joe’s hammer and anvil plan.
“Men, we’ve got to get them in the rear!”
And with cries of “Deus vult!” and “Hail Victory!” Joe and his men jumped over the counter and ran slowly towards the back of the store. Hopefully they would engage the homo freaks before they could free their comrade Frederica from the ladies room.
This fight, though small, had yuge political consequences for the victor as well as the vanquished. If Joe won, homosexuals would be banned from department stores, it would solidify his ownership of this Walmart, and open the door for taking more stores. Joe might even do a surrender ceremony with the swelling media outside in the parking lot.
Joe didn’t want to think about what would happen if he lost.
MEANWHILE OUTSIDE WALMART IN THE PARKING LOT
The FBI were lined up and ready to invade Walmart. The plan was to catch Indiana Joe, put the cuffs on, and charge him with every hate crime on the books, and then some. Joe and the men of the Traditional Crusader political party would be going away for a long, long time.
“Ready!” Shrieked FBI special agent Catlady.
Just then, Sheriffs cruisers pulled up and blocked the two front entrances. Local cops directed by Deputy Dogbone took up position.
“No one comes in or out. No one!”
Special agent Catlady glared at Sheriff Beegsley, she pointed a prematurely wrinkled finger at Deputy Dogbone and hissed “What the hell is he doing?!?”
“He’s doing his job!” shot back Beegsley.
INSIDE THE WALMART
Damn! Stores are so much bigger these days, and running makes you tired. Joe and his honor guard took a breather halfway through the enormous Walmart. They passed around a Pepsi and caught their breath.
Getting close to their target, the raging trans-army came upon a small contingent of Crusader auxiliaries. This hastily assembled, and ill-trained force was composed of old out-of-town relatives and guys from the soup kitchen.
Counselor Golblatt put its fist in the air.
“C’mon girls! Let’s suck their dicks off! Hahahahah!”
The auxiliaries broke and ran. Now it was an open road to the ladies room, and the damsel in distress, lurking unwashed. “Get me out of here!” Frederica cried from its confinement.
The painted perverts rounded the corner of Paper & Cleaning, and it was a clear shot to the in-store Starbucks, they could see the door to the ladies room.
Storm Trooper Chewy, in charge of the main blocking force recognized the danger; they quickly reformed ranks in front of the bathrooms.
“OK men, we have to hold out until the boss comes with reinforcements. If any of you has any Old Spice left, you better put it on now!”
The Crusaders pierced cans of Lysol and lobbed them into the advancing homo-horde. The trannies coughed and hissed as the cans emptied out. This slowed them down, but it didn’t stop them. Soon, they were close enough to touch.
Fists and claws, cats and dogs. The fight was on! They beat them off with broom handles, they beat them off with bare hands. The trannies tried a piss attack, but they had lost that advantage. Some locals joined in, God bless them. A proud stranger in a MAGA hat sent some perverts packing with dual meat-fists; he must have been a farmer.
The fight could go either way, but the trannies were gaining ground. A few aisles away but closing in, Indiana Joe’s honor guard exhorted him, “C’mon Boss, just a little farther!” Joe summoned his second wind.
What a sight they were on that day; large fearless men dressed in black. As Indiana Joe and his honor guard arrived all fighting stopped. Without thought or agreement, the two sides formed up in two semi-circles. All eyes were upon Joe and Counselor Greenblatt; in a timeless ritual, they would fight. The two leaders would engage in one-on-one combat.
Counselor Loren Greenblatt of the Jewish Transgender league flexed its muscles and Joe growled like a bear.
To be continued…